Ghosts of Birthdays Past
by Love's to blame
Summary: Every since the begining of the existence James has been there for every one of Victoria's birthdays. Even when she wasn't aware of it, he was there. Written for the "Very Sexy Un-Birthday Contest"


I stared down at the broken glass on my kitchen floor. The shards, that were once a teacup, didn't reform and fall back up into my hands as time reversed like I wished it would. I saw a name in the pieces, a name that wasn't actually there; a name created from my imagination. Five letters that spelled a name that brought back painful, heart wrenching memories full of naïve, childhood innocence.

_James. _My lifelong best friend, my first love, and now he was nothing more than a memory. Just like a photograph, faded with time.

I met James the day I was born. Our mothers had grown up together and somehow managed to get pregnant around the same time. He was already ahead of me even then, although he was only three hours older. He lay next to me in my bassinet and I curled into his side as though he were my protector. It was probably at that moment he realized that he enjoyed looking after someone and from then on, he took on the role permanently.

His blonde wispy hair grew to be long waves he refused to cut and constantly had to push out of his face to reveal the electric blue eyes that were hidden beneath. To me, he looked like an angel. So, I called him my guardian.

We were raised to be lovers, whether it was because it was written in the stars, purely coincidental or maybe we were just influenced by our mothers. I couldn't remember a time when I didn't love James. At first, it was as a brother, when I was a child. Then one day, I began to blush whenever he kissed my cheek. My small crush turned to lust and before I knew it, I had fallen in love with James in a completely different way from before.

As my red hair grew, so did my love for him. In a Scrapbook, full of childhood memories, there's a section dedicated to our birthday pictures. In every single one we're next to each other; our bond undeniable. As the years went by and we slowly realized our feelings for one another, the pictures captured the progression from our friendship to the relationship we came to share.

And now, the way I loved him has changed. While the girl I used to be, my past self, loves him as the boy he will forever be. The woman I now am loves him for the memories he gave, and the laughs we once shared.

With James, I experienced true love and because of that I'm one of the lucky ones. He may be gone forever, and I may be just the shell of the person I once was, but at least I got to taste real love, even if it has the bitter aftertaste of a true heartbreak.

Many times I have tried to envision his face, but it's been so long that the image in my mind is slightly fuzzy. As I wait for something that may never come, the need to see James, to know that he truly existed and was not just a figment of my imagination, is stronger than ever. Although it's the last thing I want to do, I open up the cupboard beneath the sink. Hidden in the back is an old scrapbook that I hid from myself two years ago. That's when I realized that James was never coming back.

Slowly I pull it out, dusting it off as I do so. I look down at the broken china by my feet and wonder if I should put the book back, sweep up the mess, then go to bed as I wish that this birthday would come and go already. Against my better judgment I decide to ignore the broken teacup and continue what I was doing.

I stand and set the scrapbook on the counter. With a deep breath I try to find the strength to open it. A few seconds later I find the courage that I need and flip through the pages, heading towards my favorite section. My elbows rest on the counter as I lean on it with my head cupped in my hands.

The pictures are chronologically in order, starting from the day I was born. A small, sad smile finds its way across my face as I look down at the two newborns sleeping side by side. James was the bigger baby and for great reason. He was supposed to be born on that day, while my due date was more than two weeks later. I was born via c-section soon after James entered the world. I was the prettier baby, born beautiful because I was cut out of my mother's stomach. Because he had to escape out of the birth canal, James head was slightly misshapen and his nose somewhat flat. I, on the other hand, had a smooth, round head and a perfect button nose.

Even though we had just met, we already knew one another. The hopeless romantic in me believes that this was the day I fell in love with James, it just wasn't until much later I realized my feeling for what they truly were.

The next photograph is my first birthday. I'm sitting on the living room floor wearing a frilly white dress, the kind that I've hated my entire life. James is close by, holding on to the coffee table as he stands. I was barely learning to crawl around the time the picture was taken, so as usual he was more advanced than me.

The picture of my second birthday is just as exciting. James' face is covered in cake, my ice-cream covered hands are in his hair, creating even more of a mess. We're the best of buddies and our matching smiles let everyone know that.

The next year, more of our relationship is revealed. He wears a birthday crown, while I adorn a tiara. We hold onto each other's hands as I kiss his bright red cheeks. He's more than just my buddy, he's the one person I love more than anything else in the world, even more than ice-cream and birthday cake.

Birthday photo number four is nothing more than a blur of innocence captured at the right moment. I was running away from James and paused for half of a second so that he could catch me. Even then, I knew that I didn't want to run from him. Unfortunately, I wasn't aware that he was barely a step behind. My abrupt halt caused him to crash into me and down to the ground we fell. The picture was taken mid-fall.

On our fifth birthday, James has his arm slung around my shoulder as we sat down next to each other at a table piled high with gifts. Old friends, whose names I no longer remember, sit around us, looking on as we open our presents. To any other person the picture is innocent enough, however they have no idea that only moments later, James gave me my first kiss underneath that table.

...

"_Victoria" James whispered from where he sat next to me. "Come with me" he looked around to see if anyone is watching before slouching down in his seat and slithering down to the floor._

_I set my present down on the table and lift the table cloth to peak at James. "What are you doing?" I asked._

_He put a finger over his lips and blew out air. "Shush" he waved his hand toward himself. "Just come. Please"_

"_Okay" I nodded. I imitate him and look around to see if the coast is clear before I slowly crawl underneath the table, careful to not dirty my dress. I may have hated dressing up, but I hated my mother's mouth more and surely a speck of dirt on this dress would upset her._

"_What now?" I asked James as I sat down on a soft patch of grass next to him._

_Quickly, without warning, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine. The 'kiss' barely lasted two seconds but it was long enough to know that the feeling of his soft lips against mine was nothing more special than if we were to accidently bump hands._

…

The year after that, we turn six. Another year of our lives together is celebrated with a tropical vacation. We stand together in the beautiful blue-green water, unaware of everything but each other. My modest bikini hangs off of me due to the fact that I haven't filled out yet. James' small boyish body is just that.

…

_My newly six year old self squealed as James splashed water at me._

"_Don't do that" I chided playfully._

_He looked at me, his blue eyes meeting my green ones. "Why not?" he asked "it's fun making you squeal like a girl"_

_I stuck my tongue out at him and made a rude gesture with my hand._

"_That's not nice" he said "I'm__ gonna__ tell your mom"_

_My eyes narrowed at him. "You wouldn't dare" I hissed._

_He raised an eyebrow "Wanna bet on that?"_

_My face relaxed as I stop glaring at him. I stuck my lower lip out in a pout. "I'm sorry" I apologized "I don't wanna get in trouble on my birthday"_

_James rolled his eyes, aware that I was playing the sympathy card. He turned to our parents then looked back at me and shrugged. "I guess I won't tell" he decided. "I can't have my girl sad on her birthday"_

_I smiled at him before kicking water his way._

…

The day we turn seven we go out to dinner at an upscale restaurant with our parents. James looks handsome in his tux as I wear a birthday dress for the last time. We hold hands and according to our parents we're each other's dates. Whenever they're not looking, we roll our eyes at the plans they have for us. At that moment, all I care about is how childish the lace sash around my waist looks. In the picture there's a small frown on my face as I look down and pull at the dress' hem. James sits next to me, clearly as uncomfortable as I, tugging on his tie in an attempt to loosen it. We're two tiny imperfections, moving in a still photo.

Birthday photo number eight shows us with matching scowls on our faces. For some odd reason our mothers felt that our torture was 'cute' and decided to freeze that moment in time. We were forced to invite our entire class to our party. This included the many people we didn't like, or rather many people who didn't like me. While I had trouble making friends, James was Mr. popular. Everyone flocked to him, no one was immune to the spell he cast. They all wanted to be his friend, but he only wanted to be mine. Although he could have had the time of his life, he chose to not ignore me. We ended up spending the whole day sulking as the other children played the party games. The only good thing that came from sitting in a corner all day with James beside me was that I realized that he was mine and no one else's.

Birthday number nine is the first, of what should have been many, posed side by side pictures. James has a hand in my hair, a huge smile is on his face as I, once again, cross my arms and scowl on my birthday. Had another picture been taken a few seconds later, the corners of my mouth would have been upturned in a small smile. Right after whichever mother captured that moment walked away, James kissed my cheek and told me I was beautiful.

…

_James took his hand away from my head as his mother lowered her camera. "You should smile more Victoria" she said to me. "You're such a beautiful child"_

_As soon as her back was turned, I rolled my eyes. "If you say so" I mumbled under my breath._

"_She's right you know" James whispered to me. "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen"_

_I turned to him as he looked down at the ground, a faint blush on his cheeks. "You really think so?" I asked._

_He looked up at me and nodded. "I know so"_

_I gave him a small smile and was about to turn away when he took me by surprise and kissed my cheek._

"_Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't what I say you are" he gave me a flash of that beautiful smile of his before running away._

_I brought a hand to my cheek to touch where he kissed me. For some reason that was unknown to me, I was blushing._

…

Ten years to the day we were born, we pose for a picture once again. James has his arm around my shoulder and we're both looking at the camera, half-fake smiles plastered on our faces. There is nothing special about this picture. In fact it is less than simply ordinary. However, it's one of my favorites. We're two friends, falling for each other as we slowly realize our feelings. We're too young to know what they truly mean but it's impossible to ignore them.

Another year brings on another birthday, which also means another photograph. We are now frozen at age eleven. My love has his hand a few inches lower than it was the year before. It now rests below my shoulder as he wraps his arm around me. I'm barely turned towards him a few degrees. We're oblivious to the chaos that surrounds us. This picture was taken while we waited in line at an amusement park. Although I was too scared to go on the roller coaster, my fear doesn't show as long as James is near. He is the rock that prevents the papers of my life from blowing away.

On our twelfth birthday, we chose to be completely boring and stay at home. Our parents didn't understand why that was what we wanted, but we were tired of the same routine. Therefore, instead of doing something special, James and I played video games as our parents looked on. Captured is an image of James lightly shoving me in an attempt to distract me. I laugh as I reach out to smack him. In the background, my mother watches us with a knowing look on her face. For the first time ever, I realize that maybe I should have studied her reactions more, it always seemed as though she knew something I didn't.

The thirteenth year of our life is commemorated with a pool party. This time we were allowed to invite whoever we wanted. This meant there were only a few guests and none of them our parents approved of. We hung with the group that cussed, listened to hard rock music and were starting to explore drugs, but only recreationally. Unlike the last picture of us in our bathing suits, I actually have some curves and fill out my string bikini while James muscles flex as he slightly leans over. As we sit on the edge of the pool, there are no smiles on our faces (it wasn't our thing due to the fact that being perky and happy wasn't cool in our group), instead we wear frowns. His arm is around my waist and I have my head on his shoulder.

Age fourteen is welcomed with a bowling party that neither of us wanted. We thought that the whole idea was lame and childish, my opinion of it still hasn't changed over the years. Another birthday brings on another scowl. James sits on the table above me, while I sit beneath him on the bench. His head rests on mine as he wraps his arms around my neck. I fall back into his embrace, my look of discontent is only for show**. **This picture reminds me of how natural it felt to be around James. When it came to each other, everything was natural, as though we were meant to be. I trace the outline of James as my smile slightly widens. This is the last birthday that James was just a friend.

In true Witherdale/Sutherland fashion, there is another party on our fifteenth birthday. By this time, I still wasn't aware that James had saw me as more that a little sister and had given up all hope on him. My sights were now set on Laurent, who was cute and had a small infatuation with me. The picture is not a happy one, James is glaring as I hug Laurent. I wonder who captured the image and I wish that they had waited only a few more minutes. Then the best moments of my life, the first few minutes of my relationship with James, would have been forever preserved.

...

" _Victoria could you go get some more chips?" my mother asked as she put down the camera. "We're running low"_

_I stepped away from Laurent and turned to her "Sure" I answered before looking back at my companion. "I'll be back in a minute" I whispered to him._

"_Okay" he nodded._

_I walked past James on my way to the house and his glare didn't go unnoticed. I followed his gaze and saw him looking at Laurent. That's when I realized my worst fears were true, he saw me as nothing more than a family member. That's why he was upset with his second best friend, he didn't want me to get hurt._

_I entered the kitchen and felt James presence behind me, watching me as I opened up a cupboard. I ignored him as I grabbed a bag of chips. After setting them down on the counter, I turned to wish my best buddy a 'happy birthday' and was shocked to see him glaring at me, less than half a step away._

"_What the hell is your problem?" I questioned_

_James slapped the cupboard above my head, closing it with a loud bang. "Don't you know what you're doing to me?" he asked "To us?"_

_I stared into his eyes and tried to hide my fear but he knew me too well, I knew that he saw right though me. "Sorry" he whispered as his expression softened "it's just you seem to be blind to my feelings"_

"_Well you must not have been clear enough, because I never caught on to them"_

_James sighed. "I'm in love with you, dammit."_

_I could barely breathe, for at that moment I was literally blown away. "Could you repeat that?" I asked_

_He gently placed a hand on my cheek, cupping it in his palm. "I said I love you" he whispered, leaning in._

_I closed my eyes and waited for him to kiss me, but he never did. Slowly, I opened them to see James looking down at me, a small smile on his face, taunting me._

"_We should probably get back to our party," he said "Laurent may be looking for you." his tone may have been teasing, but I knew resentment lurked beneath the surface._

_He tried to step away from me, but I grabbed him by the front of his shirt, pulling him back._

"_Who cares about Laurent?" I asked breathlessly, very aware that his lips hovered barely two inches above mine._

"_You do" James said "you were all over him"_

"_Fuck Laurent" I declared before standing on the tips of my toes and crushing my lips to his in a soft chaste kiss. After a few seconds, and some sparks had gone by, I pulled away. "He has nothing on you" I pushed James away from me, before grabbing the chips and strutting back out into the party._

…

Our sixteenth birthday comes and goes just as quickly as the one's before. I stare down at the photograph and the feelings I thought I numbed come flooding back all at once. This was when my feelings for James began to deepen. I wish that I could call out to my younger self and warn her, warn her that the one person who promised to never let anyone hurt her, unintentionally did so in the end. Back then I thought my life was a fairytale, one full of ups and downs, very few morals, and plain old teenage wonder. Tears well up in my eyes and it's almost as though I'm that same teenage girl on her sixteenth birthday playing footsy with her boyfriend beneath the table, both too consumed in their own little worlds to even look up and smile. We were unfortunate enough to have a sweet sixteen. The idea was cliché, unoriginal, and just not our style. However, our parents promised us the cars we drooled over for months if we let them throw us one last party. With a bribe like that we had no choice but to agree. Nevertheless, that didn't mean we had to like it. We were young rebels who whispered sexual innuendos to each other as we sat at the same table as our parents. As lush as this all sounds, our sixteenth is actually the worst birthday we've ever shared together and we have no one to blame for that but ourselves.

…

_The second the photographer goes away and the attention is taken off of us, James takes my hand and encloses it around his. "Want to go somewhere?" he asked wiggling his eyebrows._

_I raise an eyebrow, silently asking him to clarify._

_He nods his head in the direction of a door hidden in a dark corner where a few of our friends are sneaking out. I know exactly what they are doing and what James is implying._

"_Let's go" I whispered to him._

_After making sure our parents were occupied with something else, we quickly followed our friends outside where a roach was already being passed around._

_James leaned again the brick wall and I copied him. He looked over at me with that smile I was so crazy about and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me to him._

_The roach passed around the circle and was soon joined with another. After a few tokes, I was in the zone but I continued smoking. I wanted to answer the age old question, how high could I get?_

_One of the blunts was passed to James' hands and I watched as he slowly inhaled, staring directly at me the entire time. He then leaned down to kiss me, exhaling the smoke into my mouth. I took my time blowing it out as James passed the pot to the next person, skipping me. _

_I started to protest but he pressed me against the wall, shutting me up with his mouth as he forcefully brought his lips back to mine. He shoved his tongue into my mouth I wrapped a leg around him, bringing him closer. I felt him against me and grinded into him._

_We were lost in our own world until we heard one of our friends mumble "Oh shit." I broke away from the kiss and looked around. Mr. Witherdale was staring directly at his son, fuming._

_James leaned his head against the wall next to mine, his forehead resting against the bricks. "Aww fuck" he whispered to me "there goes our cars"_

…

Picture number seventeen is probably the most embarrassing one of them all. This birthday just so happened to be the day my father began to hate James. I'm standing on the stairs right behind James, wearing only his long t-shirt. The only thing that covers him are his thin boxers. This picture was taken right after our mothers caught us losing our virginity to each other. My cheeks are a bright red and I'm looking down at the floor. James holds my hand, he's looks calm on the outside but I know he's just as nervous as I am. I closed my eyes and tried to remember what it was like to have James pressed up against me, our warm, soft bodies moulding together as he touched me, loved me.

…

_James lay on top of me, his weight resting on his forearms that he held above me head. "Are you sure about this?" he asked, looking down at me._

_I took a moment to consider my decision. All I could think of was how natural it felt to be this intimate with James. How, although there was no room between the two of us, I still wanted to be closer. Slowly I nodded. "I'm sure" I whispered in conformation._

_He entered me in one quick thrust, quickly getting it over so that he wouldn't tease me with the pain. I dug my nails into his arms as my body was consumed in what felt like fire. James tensed above me and I closed my eyes and calmly breathed as I waited for the pain to subside. It wasn't a myth after all, losing your virginity hurt like hell._

_Soon there was only a dull twinge of displeasure and I finally opened my eyes. "Go on" I told him._

_James gave me a light kiss. "Okay" he whispered against my lips before continuing. He moved in a slow rhythm, rocking back and forth for only a few short minutes. It was as romantic as all my friends made it seem. There's none of that wonderful friction that they whispered about, unless that friction felt like rug burn. _

_James eyes closed as he got close to pure ecstasy and I couldn't help but feel a little jealous in a 'how come he gets to get off and I don't' kind of way. We were so caught up with each other that we don't hear the downstairs down open, or the footsteps in the hall. It's not until my bedroom door opens that we discover our parents had come home early._

_Time went into slow motion as our mothers stared at us from the door way, their mouths open wide with shock. Suddenly, James quickly yelped in surprise as he fell to the side, landing on the floor. In his panic he took the covers with him, pulling them half off of me._

_I tugged on the sheets and with bright red cheeks I covered myself before I turned to the mothers. "Hello" I drawled out awkwardly. "How are you ladies on this fine day?"_

_I can see amusement in my mother's eyes before she slowly walks out, taking James' mother with her. I groaned and put a hand to my forehead. If I knew my mother, which I did, then she was going to take a picture of this moment, and she did._

…

I quickly shut the book before I got to my eighteenth birthday. That one was just too painful. That was the last birthday I ever had with James before he disappeared three months later. My present from him that year was a proposal of marriage. In return, my gift to him was not only a custom made leather jacket but my acceptance as well. That was three years ago, and now once again I'm celebrating another birthday alone.

The first birthday I ever had without James was spent curled up in bed, holding onto a picture of his for dear life as I wept until I had no more tears to cry.

I slept through the next birthday. As contradicting as it sounds it was purely accidental and purposely done, at the same time. I decided that I couldn't live without James, so I swallowed sleeping pills and waited for death to come over me. It never did, instead its cousin and cheap imitation, sleep found me. With only small gaps of consciousness, I managed to dream of what once was for most of the day.

I laid my hands, one on top of the other, on the cover book as I tried to steady my breaths in a pathetic attempt to calm myself down. Here I am on the eve of my twenty-first birthday and already it was a little too late to hope that I wouldn't spend another birthday depressed. However, I could still hope for it to pass by without shedding too many tears. _"Thank god I can finally legally drink" I whisper to myself. "Maybe this year I can spend the day in a drunken stupor"_

A pale white hand is suddenly placed over mine and I quickly turn to my right. The one person I never thought I'd see again stood in front of me. Or at least I think it's him.

The face is his, no doubt, but it's as though he was frozen in time. He should have aged slightly; his hair should have grown, his face shouldn't contain some of the boyish features he hadn't quite grown out of when he disappeared. He looks exactly as he did the last time I saw him three years ago, except for one frightening change. _His eyes_. They are no longer the beautiful blue I've longed to look into. Now they're a dark dangerous red, and for some odd reason I'm attracted to them or at least the wickedness they possess.

This is not the boy that I remember but it's the closest thing I will ever get to having him, even if this may all be just a dream.

"James" I whisper softly.

I stare at the familiar stranger in front of me. Time freezes and I wonder if it had finally reversed without me knowing. I look back into those red eyes, and that's all I need to know it hadn't. I should have known all along that I couldn't go back in time, but the small child inside of me needed hope so I held on to this fantasy all these years.

I go back a step and my bare foot lands on the pieces of the cup I had broken earlier. I ignore all pain as I notice that James' chest stops rising and falling, he no longer breathes. I come to realize that although he stands in front of me, he is not alive. Or at least he isn't human anymore. His new red eyes darken. Frightened, I start to go back another step when, suddenly, he moves. In a flash he reaches out and grabs me. He holds me close, pressing me into his body, his chin resting in the crook of my neck.

Now I'm the one no longer breathing as he inhales deeply, his hot air blows against my skin, the hairs on the back of my neck stands up whenever he exhales.

He's cold and hard as though he's a marble statue. The feeling of him against me is quite different from how it used to be. I remember my James as warm and as soft as a young man with a muscular physique could be.

I stay as limp as a rag doll in his hold as I wait for him to release me. He tilts his head and places his dry, chapped lips at my pulse point and in either memory or routine I arch my neck giving him better access. All too quickly he lets me go and moves a few feet away from me, staring down at blood that slowly drips from my foot.

I take notice of his discomfort at the sight of my blood and quickly take action to clean it up. I reach for the roll of paper towels when he grabs my hand. "Clean yourself up first" he ordered in a harsh tone. The grip he has on me is rough and too tight, I struggle to get loose but that only makes him hold on tighter.

"You have to let me go first" I choke out.

"Sorry" he mutters as finger by finger he slowly releases me. Now that I'm no longer in shock, I can hear his voice for as it truly is. Its smooth like silk, the most gargantuan lie of them all could pass through those lips and as unbelievable as it could sound, everyone would be compelled to believe it. Although I haven't heard James speak in what seemed like forever, I know that this is not his voice. It is impossible for time to have changed it so drastically. I almost forget what occurred only moments before as I wonder who this imposter is.

I put my question aside for the moment and hobble off to the bathroom for a bandage. I clean my cut, its shallow so it doesn't take long for it to stop bleeding, then I quickly wrap it. I waste no time so I can get back to James faster. A part of me still believes that he isn't real and may disappear at any moment. One look down at my arm tells me otherwise, a bruise is already starting to form where he grabbed me.

I go to return to James and on my way back to the kitchen I notice him standing in the corner of my living room with his arms crossed. He stands so still that he doesn't look real. There are no flaws or even tiny imperfections almost as though he was created from my subconscious. I may have conjured him out of thin air to help myself process reality after seeing those pictures. The bruise on my arm could also be a figment of my imagination. James' eyes flicker towards me and I realize that he isn't a hallucination. I wouldn't have been able to create this version of him if I wanted to. Once again I wonder if this James is mine or not.

"Who are you?" I ask, my voice barely a whisper as I sit down on the sofa.

His face breaks out into the grin I remember from my childhood, although perfection is the difference between then and now, it's still beautiful in its own slightly crooked way.

"I know it has been years since we last saw each other, but surely you remember me" he said in a familiar teasing way as he relaxed and brings his arms down to his side, the side of his palm touching the wall behind him.

"What happened to you?" I should be happy that's he's back but I'm upset. I guess I should have been more careful with what I wished for.

"Can you keep a secret?" he asked

"Depends on what it is" I tell him teasingly, slowly becoming comfortable with him and reversing back to my old ways.

He smiled at me. "I can't tell you if you don't promise to never reveal it" he paused as he chuckled lightly. "I doubt you'll believe me anyways"

"Can you just come out with it already?" I asked impatiently.

He nodded and pushed off the wall with the palm of his hands. He slowly stalked towards me, taking a seat beside me. He leaned over, his mouth right at my ear. "I'm a vampire" he whispered before pulling away.

I nodded and turned to him. "Well that would explain the eyes"

He chuckled darkly; it was then that I realized just how serious he really was. "You're an actual vampire?" I questioned in disbelief. "Like Dracula?"

"More like Count Chocula" he snorted.

"Do – not – comprehend" I said slowly in a robotic voice.

James chuckled again, this time it had a lighter air than before. "You don't ever change do you?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Nope"

He reached over and took my hand, enclosing it in his icy cold grasp. "I'm nothing like those vampires we used to fantasize about. There are no fangs, I don't turn into a bat, and I can go into sunlight without vaporizing"

"What about the blood thing?"

"The blood thing" he repeated mockingly. "That part is true. I do consume the blood of humans"

I felt the urge to gasp but refrained from doing so. James wouldn't hurt me… would he?

"Don't worry I'm quite full right now" he assured me "although what happened earlier almost made me lose myself in a blood frenzy"

"Well I, for one, am glad you had some self-control" I tell him.

"Even if I had to kill innocent people to get it?" he questioned.

I nod my reply. "As long as it wasn't me" I say honestly.

"You were always selfish" James muses.

"So were you" I retort.

He gives me a dark smile that I've never seen on his face before. I should find it terrifying, but instead, just like his eyes, I'm attracted to it. "We were quite the little monsters growing up" he says softly. "And now I've become a real monster"

"I don't think you're a monster" I tell him.

He laughs in amusement, like I was a child who was talking nonsense. "You have no idea what I've become. This isn't what I wanted after all"

"What is IT exactly?"

His red eyes meet mine as he looks directly at me. "I mock humanity" he says softly. "Every time I look in the mirror I see what I once was and I wish I could have my life back. And then those red eyes stare at me and I know I can only move forward. This existence that I now have is nothing more than cruel. My only constant thought is my thirst for blood. I can never have enough. Even now as I speak to you, the thought of killing you haunts me" he paused for a few seconds. "I don't know if I can continue to be around you any longer, I'm already testing my limits as it is"

"Maybe it wouldn't be so hard to be around me if I was just like you" I tell him.

"What are you saying?" he questions.

"I'm saying I want you to turn me into a vamp. You can do that, can't you?"

He nods before going silent, thinking over what I just asked of him. After two minutes had gone by, he finally spoke. "Are you actually willing to become a monster like me?" He asked "to never age, to be frozen in time"

"We're already frozen in time" I mumble as I think about the picture book I closed only a few minutes before.

James looked at me strangely, questioning me

"Just ignore me" I tell him.

He nods slightly "Do you really want this?"

I nod "I'm willing to give you my tomorrow, if you give me your yesterday"

Once again he looks at me strangely "What do you want from me?" He asks "I can't go back in time"

I roll my eyes "That's not what I meant. What I mean is that I'm willing to become as immortal and invincible as you are, if you would give me back the James I used to know"

"I am the James you used to know" he says "except a few changes in appearance. I will forever be the eighteen year old child who loved you"

I shake my head "No, you're not the same boy" I tell him "the James I once knew would have never left me"

His eyes darken and he tenses beside me. I reach up to touch his cheek and he's gone. "I never left you" he growls from across the room. "I've always been there, lurking in the shadows, watching you. I just didn't trust myself around you. I still don't trust myself around you"

"Well I trust you and that's enough"

He chuckled softly. "Simple sweet Victoria, you still don't get it do you? Right now, as we speak all I can think about is putting my lips to your neck and draining you of your blood"

I push my hair away from my neck. "Go ahead and do as you wish, I give you my permission

He quickly puts a hand over his mouth. "I won't do it" he says.

I smirk over him. "I knew you would be too much of a pussy to do it, that's why I offered"

James growled and pounced on me. He was graceful and careful enough that he didn't break me. He put his cold lips to my neck and I shivered at not only the temperature but in anticipation as well.

I missed James for the imperfect being that he once was but this was the only way I could have him therefore that's the only way I could take him.

"What are you waiting for?" I ask.

He lifts his head, taking it away from my neck and looks down at me, his eyes are full of lust and desire. "I'll do it only if I can have one thing in return"

The look he gives me is so smoldering, that I can barely form a coherent thought. "Anything" I breathe.

" I want to make love to you one last time, before you become as cold and hard as a marble slab " he says "the friction between us may be too uncomfortable then and I may not want to touch you" he smiles to let me know he's joking.

"Cute" I reply in a sarcastic tone. "But I guess I can agree to your terms since you were kind enough to agree to mine"

"Are you sure about this?" he asks. "Because after this point there's no turning back"

I'm not sure which term he's referring to, his, mine or both, but I don't care, at this point I'm too far gone. I tempted to not only be with him forever, but to love him one last time while I was still merely human.

I'm sure" I answer, managing to sound as confident which should have been difficult seeing that I was facing a life-altering decision as this. I lift my hands to his shirt and slowly begin to unbutton it. When I get to the third button, he puts his hand over mine and stops me.

I look up and stare into his eyes. "Are you okay?"

He nods. "I just want to try something first" he puts a hand in my hair as he leans over and kisses me. His lips slowly moved along with mine. I lose track of time as we kissed passionately, making up for all the kisses we missed out on over the years.

Suddenly James pulled away and smiled. "I missed that"

I put a hand on his cheek and trace his jaw line. "So did I" my hands found their way back to his shirt. "Now, no more interrupting" I continue with the unbuttoning, freeing his beautiful torso from the confines of his shirt.

I push it back off his arms then run my hands down his stomach, pausing when I get to the zipper of his jeans. "Am I going to do all the work or are you going to help?" I tease.

He slides his cold hands under my shirt and I shiver in delight as he lifts it over my head. His hands palmed my breast over my bra and my body instantly responded to his cold touch.

Everything became a blur as our clothes hit the floor, piece by piece. I spread out on the couch as I lie beneath James, relishing in the skin on skin contact, ignoring the fact that I want to cry for it feels so familiar and foreign.

I moan as he enters me, filling me. I arch my back in pleasure as my hands find purchase in his hair, bringing his lips down to mine.

He slowed moved in and out, taking his time to give us both the pleasure we so desperately sought. I lifted my hips, meting every one of his thrusts. I haven't been this satisfied since the last time I was with James. Not only had I never moved on, but I've never been with another. To me, being this intimate with someone is like giving them a piece of my soul. Becoming a creature of the night, like my beloved would turn me into a murderer with no conscious, therefore in a way I was already willingly giving James my soul completely.

He pulled away from my lips and lowered his head to my chest. He enclosed my breast around his mouth, circling a nipple with his tongue. Although I'm loving the way it feels, I miss the feeling of his lips more. I gently tugged on his hair and brought his head back up.

He gives me a gentle peck before kissing his way down my jaw to my neck where he suckled on my skin. A hand trailed down my body, cupping my thigh. He raises my leg and puts it over his shoulder. This allows for him to hit me at another angle. I gasp as he plunges deeper, hitting my spot every time. Before long my walls begin to tighten and I wrap my arms around James, I bring him closer as my leg slides down to his waist.

I'm almost at my climax now, it's only a matter of time. James gently bites down at the flesh of my neck and the mixture of pain laced pleasure is too much that I come undone. James soon follows me with a groan. Afterwards, as I try to catch my breath he rolls us around so that he now lies beneath me, his chin on top of my head.

Without the heat of passion, his bare chest is so cold that I begin to shiver. I must be a sight to see, shaking as I gasp for breath. He takes the shawl that is draped across the back of the sofa and covers me with it. His hands move up and down my arms, creating friction so that soon I'm warm.

A few minutes passed and my breathing returned to normal and I look up at him. "Now that I've fulfilled my end of the deal, when are you going to do yours?"

He looks down at me as he takes my hand and brings my hand up to his mouth, his icy cold lips hovering below the pulse point on the inside of my wrist. "This is going to hurt" he says

"For just how long?" I ask

"For some time" Then without warning he bites down, hard.

He drinks my blood in long deep gulps, but I pay no attention to how much he consumes. My only thought is how much my wrist begins to burn. White hot pain, like fire, begins to slowly spread throughout my body. I clench my eyes shut and take deep breaths that come far and few between.

James continues to drink from me and I know that it won't be soon before he kills me. I fear that he might not be able to stop. It was stupid of me to ask him this. But it was the only way to make him stay forever. Now that I know he still exists, even though it was not the same existence as before, I couldn't go back to a life without him. I guess my only options have always been live with him or die.

Finally he stops drinking, but his blood covered lips are still on my wrist. Slowly he lowers my hand. His forehead rests against my head, as he gulps the air. "Sorry" he mutters "my instincts almost got the best of me"

He cradles me to his chest and holds me, as the pain becomes almost unbearable. I take a corner of the blanket and bring it up to my mouth. I bite down on the thick fabric to refrain from screaming.

James runs a cold, gentle hand through my hair, comforting me. "In three days time, the pain will all be worth it"

In my state, three days seemed like an eternity. If only James would have warned me exactly what it would feel like and for how long, maybe I would have waited until I was in the right mindset to make my decision.

But it was too late now. Time can't stop and reverse, it can only move forward. I used to long to go back in time because that was the only way I could have James, because he lived in my past. And now I want nothing more than to go forward in time, to the future because he now lives in my forever after.

I feel a soft kiss placed atop my head "Happy birthday" James whispers against my hair.

If I could smile through the pain I would. Being reunited with my love was the greatest gift anyone could ever give me. Therefore, this was going to be a happy birthday after all.


End file.
